Download: Reduce Stress

CHAPTER FIVE

Reduce Stress

To reduce stress, you need to understand stress. Stress is the result of your perception of events. It is indicated by how you react to situations. What is stressful to you might not be stressful to someone else and vice versa. You are not born with more or fewer stress- prone genes than other people. In the end, it all amounts to attitude. Stress is being implicated in an ever-increasing number of serious health problems. To learn how to unstress, you must understand how you wound up stressed in the first place. The moment we encounter a tension-producing situation, our body chemically prepares to fight or flee. Your adrenal cortex secretes hormones which cause you to tense up. Your blood pressure rises and blood sugar is released for energy. Extra oxygen is delivered to your organs so you can use them in fighting off the danger. Clotting agents are increased in your blood in case you are wounded in the fight. Cholesterol and other fats are released to serve as a reserve energy supply. Many other biological changes also take place, all of which will allow your body to remain ready for action for the next two or three hours. But of course you don’t fight and you don’t flee, and this Stone Age internal reaction, originally meant to protect you, becomes a serious menace to your health. So what can you do? Well, you have a few options. You can keep the stress repressed and bottled up inside you. Of course this is sure to result in frustration, ulcers and worse health problems down the line. Or you can express your stress through sickness, apathy, anger, drinking, drugs, overeating or in any number of other undesirable ways. Or you can get rid of your stress according to a plan, and this chapter offers a complete stress reduction plan. 1. Consider your daily stress buttons. Because stress is the result of constantly being ready to fight you have two ways of handling it. You can resolve all the conflicts in your life, or you can learn to live with them. To do either successfully you’ll have to change some viewpoints and behaviors that are an integral part of your personality. The best place to begin is with an exploration of your stress buttons. In life, there are instances of tragedy and disruption that we expect to trigger stress, such as the sudden death of a loved one, a debilitating injury or illness, the loss of a job, and the overwhelm of moving or relocating. But the fact is, the daily hassles of life may have a greater stress effect than the larger misfortunes of life. Examples of these daily hassles would be worry about weight, losing or misplacing things, a major change in your routine, too much to do and not enough time to do it properly, feeling lonely, money worries, too many responsibilities, the children fighting, and pressure to perform well— in any area., Make a list of all the stress factors in your life, and if the cause isn’t apparent, attempt to find it. What causes you to be agitated? What makes you angry? What frustrates you? When does that tension begin to creep in? Write down all the little things that affect your well-being. You must first identify your stress buttons before you can eliminate them. If you become stressed every time you have a report or a deadline, maybe it goes back to a childhood incident. It could be something remote. Perhaps your fourth-grade teacher reprimanded and embarrassed you, which programmed an automatic anxiety response you are still carrying. Take the time to stop and think about the reasons for your anxiety. Sometimes just knowing the cause is enough to alleviate the effect. 2. Every time you become stressed, mentally investigate your state of mind. From this moment on, every time you feel stressed, mentally investigate your state of mind. Reality is what you have chosen reality to be for you and it is alterable through a change in viewpoint. So, ask yourself, “What would it take to eliminate the stress in this situation?” and next, ask yourself, “If I can’t change the people or circumstances, how can I change my viewpoint?” Examining how you can change your point of view reminds you that you have power in the situation. It also might serve you to ask yourself if you had expectations of approval or control in regard to the stressful situation. Chances are you did. If so, the real problems may be with your expectations—expectations which are not your right. You don’t want to have to provide approval on demand, do you? It certainly isn’t your right to control others’ actions. So, how can you expect others to be the way you want them to be? In such a situation, your expectations are in conflict with what is. Remind yourself of that the next time you get upset. 3. Identify how you express your stress. Many mental and emotional disorders, from anxiety to depression, can be triggered by stress. Even hair loss has been linked to stress. Asthma worsens in a stressful environment and the heart rate and rhythm can be disturbed. Digestion can be disrupted, causing numerous diseases. Menstrual disorders, impotence, and premature ejaculation have been traced to stress as have bladder problems. Muscular twitches and tics can result from stress and so can skin problems such as eczema and psoriasis. Researchers also believe that if stress is repressed long enough, it contributes to cancer. Here are some of the primary ways we express stress. Do any of these fit you? Tenseness, continual on-the-go activity, feeling incapable, excessive smoking, excessive drinking, excessive use of tranquilizers or marijuana, upset stomach, excess sleeping, unfocused thinking, driving your car aggressively, turning every game into an intense competition, inability to sleep or frequent waking during the night, loss of sexual interest, trying to do more than one thing at a time, nervous habits from tapping your fingers to swinging your foot, easy irritability, high blood pressure, frequent headaches, cold hands gritting your teeth, overeating or undereating. Identify the ways in which you express your own stress. Notice that they disappear once you reduce your stress levels. Then congratulate yourself on your success., 4. Take action. Diffuse the pressure situations in your life. Plan out your day and refuse to be intimidated by what needs to be done. Even if you can’t accomplish everything, set priorities so that you accomplish each task in order of importance and deadline. Then do each job one part at a time. If every time you have to meet a particular deadline you become stressed, start planning ahead a little better, so you don’t continually end up in a last minute panic. If family members drive you up the wall, learn some assertiveness training techniques to verbally stand up for your human rights without offending your relatives. If the crowd at the supermarket drives you crazy, do your shopping during the slack hours. All this amounts to being more rational in your approach to life. Be more realistic about what you will encounter when you put yourself into potentially stressful situations. Often this alone is enough to start reducing your stress. Start doing something— anything, to deal with the problem. If you can’t take direct action, what about indirect action? If your stress is coming from guilt or regret, you need to accept that you can’t change the past. But you can get busy, and keep busy, which will assist you to forget about the situation and the stress. Also in regard to guilt, be aware that it is an absolutely absurd emotion because usually nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done, let the past be a lesson as to how to handle the future, and let go of the guilt. There a million things you can do to change your attitude and relieve stress. Start smiling at the people in your life, and laughing at yourself. Stop attempting to do more than one thing at a time. Spend 15 minutes doing nothing but listening to relaxing music. Consider meditation as an anti-stress technique. Play a game or sport to lose every once in a while. Do everything more slowly—walking, talking and eating. Go out and really observe a sunset, or a flower. Take a walk. Take your watch off for a week. 5. Balance your work with play. If you are a high achiever, it’s often hard to break away to spend time in other ways— such as exercising, sharing with your family, spending quality time with your children, enjoying a hobby, or even attending to your spiritual needs. But this balance is critical to your overall well-being and is essential when battling stress. Maintaining your equilibrium must become a central priority. If you allow yourself to fall out of balance, things will go wrong in other areas of your life. If you are ignoring your relationship for your career, you can count on having relationship problems, which will then indirectly affect your career. If you aren’t exercising properly, you’ll probably get sick, which again will indirectly affect the other areas of your life. What areas in your own life are out of balance? What can you do to create balance? 6. At night, put your work and concerns aside. By eight or nine o’clock at night, put your work and concerns aside. Let this be the time you are finished for the day and ready to relax. Be aware that it will still take two or three hours for all your internal stress hormones to be re- absorbed by the glands that, produced them. Spend this time doing something that is relaxing, while also mentally engaging. This will take your mind away from the stressful thoughts of the day. 7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes with other people immediately. When you are not direct and honest, you repress. Repression is simply another expression of fear. Fear is negative subconscious programming that only creates future negative experiences. Fear of expressing your true feelings dissipates your energy. The more you repress, the less energy you have to be who you really are. To resolve problems, all you have to do is be direct and honest about what you want and don’t want. Express your needs calmly, without resentment or hostility. Don’t be afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings. If someone cannot accept you as you are, without attempting to manipulate you, do you really need that person in your life? If there is conflict, negotiate a compromise before the stress sets in. Storing up hurt doesn’t work. If others have let you down, express what you need to say. And remember, never do anything that causes you to lose self-esteem. If self-esteem is the result of what you do in life, then to increase your self-esteem you need to do things that support your goal. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, you build your self-esteem. When you do things you don’t feel good about, you lower your self-esteem. 8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the rest of the responsibilities to others. Some of you may believe that when it comes to your work, you can do it better than anyone else. When others don’t get the job done, you take on the task. Instead, why not decide to delegate everything you don’t really need to do? You don’t need to control every little situation, and you can live with a little less perfection. Research has shown that busy executives who are less stressed than their peers have high self-esteem, think the world is worthwhile, believe they can influence events around them, and tend to see change and problems as opportunities. Start viewing your problems as decisions that need to be made. If you have irrational outbursts, overly strict standards, and use high pressure tactics at work, you are only being counterproductive. Does your tendency to become easily irritated and aggravated really help you get the job done? Does impatience make it easier to make decisions, or does it cause you to move too quickly and screw up? Do your ultra-high expectations help you succeed? More likely they assure failure. It’s time to replace the idea that overdriven behavior is beneficial. Your extreme hardworking attitude isn’t always healthy, or productive. Examine your personality. Your personality is the basis of how you react to life’s stresses. Although no one is a total type A or type B personality, most people are inclined toward type A behavior. They tend to be excitable, competitive and goal oriented. In his book, Treating Type A Behavior And Your Heart, Dr. Meyer Friedman says, “If you are a type A personality and can admit to it, you are halfway to kicking the undesirable type A patterns.” The doctor goes on to list low self-esteem and insecurity as the primary causes of these undesirable behavioral patterns. He says that in his, research study of 592 type A people, every single one doubted their ability to perform their duties well enough to warrant advancement in their company. If this describes you, I suggest you read Chapter Three, “Increase Self-Esteem.” 9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are programming into your subconscious mind. Thoughts and fantasies constantly run through your mind, indirectly creating your future reality. Sometimes they are in response to a specific event and sometimes they just flood into your mind when you are quiet. Here are some negative examples of self- talk: “I just can’t stand waiting in lines.” “I never have enough time to get everything done I need to do.” “I’d like to have a tank so I could crush every car that cuts in front of me on the freeway.” Use a thought stopping technique to stop the negative self-talk from becoming subconscious programming. Say these two trigger words to yourself, “Success Opportunity.” Then replace the negative thought with a positive one. Never allow someone else’s lack of balance to create a problem for you. This technique assures positive—instead of negative—programming. 10. Exercise! Since stress prepares your body for intense muscular activity, exercise is a great way to relieve built-up tension. The more aerobic the exercise the better. Vigorous daily exercise increases levels of the neurotransmitters as well as endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, and will make it easier for you to relax more completely. The oxygen flooding through your system will help you detoxify more quickly and eliminate the biological factors that prolong stress. So, running, fast walking, swimming, cycling, calisthenics, and aerobic dancing are especially recommended. When you include regular exercise as a part of your lifestyle, it assists you to keep your stress level low enough to absorb ordinarily stressful situations without affecting you. Obviously it is best not to take up competitive exercise such as handball, tennis, or volleyball, as these may create other stressful situations. 11. Change your eating habits. Eliminate those foods which generate or worsen stress. On days of extreme stress, eat more carbohydrates. Proteins contain energizing brain chemicals, while carbohydrates, through a complex metabolic pathway, allow more tryptophan, a component that enhances relaxation, to get into the brain. Poor diet generates far more stress than most people realize. Even if you just incorporate the new government dietary guidelines you’ll be well served. Reduce your intake of foods containing sugar and refined white flour. Eliminate junk foods and fried foods. Replace red meat with fish, chicken or turkey. Avoid cholesterol. Reduce your alcohol intake. Eat more fresh vegetables, many of them raw. Also eat fresh fruits, and 100 percent whole grain bread, cereal and pasta products. There are three food related diseases which often generate or worsen stress. The first is food allergies, the second is hypoglycemia (low blood sugar), and the third is candida—, the yeast problem. All are very common, all are curable simply by changing your diet. For example, you can greatly reduce candida by eliminating sugar and dairy products from your diet. If you don’t take vitamins, perhaps you should consider vitamin supplements. Most health food stores carry anti-stress vitamin and mineral formulas that can be very helpful. Some of the most important stress fighters are vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, the complete B complex, and panthenic acid, which is vitamin B-5. Most nutritionists suggest using supplements, but you need expert advice, or you need to do your own research before purchasing vitamins. Of course, obtain your doctor’s advice before making any significant changes in your lifestyle. 12. You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. So concentrate on becoming calm and centered. The law of attraction states, “Where your attention goes your energy flows.” You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. If you are negative, you draw in and experience negativity. If you are loving you draw in and experience love. You can attract to you only those qualities you possess. So if you want peace and harmony in your life, you must become peaceful and harmonious. 13. Accept that what is, is. There are things you can change in life and things you can’t change. To accept what is, is to accept unalterable realities as they are without wasting mental or physical energy attempting to change what you can’t. It is your resistance to what is that causes your suffering and your stress. The Serenity Prayer says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This doesn’t mean to passively accept life. What you have the potential to change go ahead and change. But recognize that there are also things you can do nothing about. 14. Develop conscious detachment. There is attached mind and detached mind. Attached mind means your state of mind is always changing from positive to negative as outside conditions change. This is extreme fluctuation from happiness and joy, down through neutral to your emotional basement: stress, depression, anger, and agitation. The goal is to develop detached mind. This means your state of mind fluctuates only from positive to neutral as outside conditions change. You accept all the warmth and joy and happiness that life has to offer while detaching from negativity by allowing it to flow through you without affecting you. You detach out of wisdom, not repression. Sure, if you feel angry, hostile or resentful, you’ll have to express it, or the emotions will erupt in another way. But as you begin to see the logic of detachment your negative emotions will be less likely to emerge in response to situations. Detached mind is based upon two points of logic: 1) If you get upset, you will program, your subconscious mind negatively, which will generate more negativity in your future. In other words you simply make matters worse; and 2) If you are resisting what is, you are wasting your energy, because you want something, or somebody, to be different than they are. It won’t happen, so why become stressed about something you can’t change? A problem does not have to be eliminated to be resolved. Often a better solution is a change in viewpoint. When you are no longer affected by a problem, you no longer have a problem, although nothing may have outwardly changed. What other people say or do, other than physical violence, does not affect you. Only what you think about what they say or do affects you. Why allow another person’s problem to create a problem within you? Let’s say the person closest to you is often warm and loving, and you enjoy these times, but this person can also be selfish and self- centered. During those times you consciously detach and let the negativity flow through you without affecting you. It is that person’s right to be grouchy, and it is your right not to be affected. Nothing about the situation has changed except the way you view it. 15. Express unconditional love. This doesn’t mean romantic love. It means the acceptance of other people as they are without judgment, without expectations, and without blame. It means to be compassionate and caring. Love is letting go of fear, letting go of delusions. Fear is a big word. All disturbances between human beings, large or small, are rooted in fear. Fear means all the negative emotions such as anger, selfishness, jealousy, prejudice, hate, repression, envy, possessiveness, greed, anxiety, guilt, insecurity, depression, inhibitions, vanity, malice, resentment, blame, et cetera. Imagine being free of fear-based emotions. Learn to respond to others with compassion and a tranquil mind. The more you can live and let live the less stressed out you will be. Detach from negativity and you become more physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware. You will begin to feel centered and serene, at peace with yourself, the world, and everyone in it. Realize that you deserve love and happiness, and to give love is to receive love. 16. Use breathing techniques to immediately unstress. Use this technique of diaphragm breathing as a quick-fix technique to immediately unstress. You can do it in your car, your office or walking down the street. Just take a very deep breath and hold it in as long as you comfortably can. Then let the breath out through slightly parted lips, and when you think the breath is all the way out, contract your stomach muscles, and push it even further and further out. Then repeat the process. Within a few minutes you will find that you have greatly reduced your stress level. 17. Use self-hypnosis Daily use of self-hypnosis mind programming will support your goal of reducing stress. The final chapter tells you how.,

Reduce Stress Summary

1. Consider your daily stress buttons. 2. After the fact, mentally investigate your state of mind. 3. Identify how you express your stress. 4. Take action. Diffuse the pressure situations in your life. 5. Balance your work with play. 6. At night, put your work and concerns aside. 7. Be direct and honest; handle disputes with other people immediately. 8. Do what you do naturally and well, and delegate the rest of the responsibilities to others. 9. Examine your self-talk to see what you are programming into your subconscious mind. 10. Exercise! 11. Change your eating habits. 12. You attract that which you are and that which you concentrate upon. So concentrate on becoming calm and centered. 13. Accept that what is, is. 14. Develop conscious detachment. 15. Express unconditional love. 16. Use breathing techniques to immediately unstress. • Affirmations • The final chapter explains how to use the following affirmations as self-talk and how to include them in a self-hypnosis format for daily mind programming. “I am at peace with myself and my circumstances.” “I feel very relaxed and peaceful.” “I now view life as a tranquil oneness.” “I am no longer affected by what cannot be changed.” “I am physically relaxed and emotionally at ease.” “I now let go of all turmoil in my life.” “I feel balanced and harmonious.” “I am so relaxed and so at ease.” “I no longer have expectations of approval or control.” “I accept that what is, is.”, “I consciously detach from negativity, allowing it to flow through me without affecting me.” “I handle disputes with other people immediately.” “I think ahead, diffusing stressful situations in advance.” “Every day in every way I feel better about myself.” “I make sure my self-talk is positive.” “I now eat nutritionally balanced meals.” “Exercise now becomes a part of my daily lifestyle.” “Diaphragm breathing always relaxes me.”]

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